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Englewood:THE SOAP
home : features : englewood:the soap August 28, 2014

Englewood: The SOAP!

Elizabeth Spicer
Contributing Writer


Exclusive to the Englewood Review

Dear Fans,

Englewood is going Hollywood and who knows more about everything Hollywood than me. Fix yourself a Slimfast and vodka shake, sit back in your leatherette recliner, and be prepared for all the tabloid shockers as I release the gossip as told to me by.... well, just about everybody.

Breaking news: Amanda Glam was spotted at the Mango Bistro with someone who looked very much like horror movie icon Stephen King. Word has it that she is planning a show biz come-back with the master of the macabre. Looking to capitalize on SHARKNADO, Amanda? Hope your dreams don’t tank.

Look for a new film crew to hit town next month. A fresh-faced reality series is focused on the ever-growing food vendor population in Charlotte and Sarasota counties. It stars the famed lunch on wheels entrepreneurs from Scotty’s Dogs. It is titled FLIP MY CHOW WAGON. Scouts are on the casting trail for a loveable pooch to portray the mascot. Heard it from the puppy’s mouth that they are looking for a dead ringer for the Obama’s pooch, Bo. Better call Ebba Patrick who raises the celebrity canines. No people in dog costumes may apply. This means you, Woody the Hungry Hound Cafe mascot!

What famous couple checked into the WANNA B INN last Friday night for a weekend of tarpon and tankers?

I tried to twist the new general manager Bobbie Marquis’ arm, but she clocked me with her free hand. Even though she would not breathe a word, I always get my man. It wasn’t long before I spotted Gary Bowman of Big Time Auctions on a midnight stroll through the sand. Was that Jennifer Lopez on his arm? Well, was it? Call me if you know.

Any truth to the rumor that Chris Phelps and Diana Donolon got in a screaming, kicking, hair-pulling, knock down, drag out fight at a swanky Englewood night club? Don’t be fooled. There are no swanky night clubs in Englewood. You have to drive all the way to Punta Gorda for that!

By now you have heard of the major robbery at the Englewood Art Center. The night watchman reported a large painting titled WAVERLY 281 was missing when he started his shift at 6:00 p.m. on July 31st. The crime was solved by the center’s director, KC Bitterman, when she identified the missing work as wallpaper from a budding renovation. She valued the work at a dollar ninety-nine and did not expect it to be returned anytime soon.

There was a drive-by pickle ball incident at White Elephant Pub on Manasota Key. Bart Tracy was headed home after showing a property when a pickle flew through the window of his car and caught him in the eye. He will be sporting a real eye patch at the Pioneer Days Shipwrecked Dance. The offending athlete pickle pitcher has not come forward, but Tringali Recreation Center coordinator Joan Hawkins reminded me that pickle ball training is available at the center and people should not use real pickles under any circumstances.

Finally, who put the moustache on Elizabeth Taylor? The large poster graces the window of Dearborn Street’s All About You Salon and Spa. Word has it that desperate would be Pioneer Days Grand Marshall, Olga Makersmarkarova, gave the movie icon the upper lip with a magic marker. Don’t vote for her!

Vote for me: Brenda Sue Wynette! Remember my slogan: A vote for me is a vote for me!

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